CFNWA

Citizens For News Without Adjectives

[RANT ON]

Each time I turn on the radio on the way to work, or glance at the TV during lunch, or look at some story on an internet news-site, I look for them.

You may not have noticed them but, if you look a little more closely, you'll see them -- ADJECTIVES.

They seem to be everywhere now-a-days.

I'm *not* saying that you can't slant the news without adjectives. I'm just saying it can be a little harder for John or Jane Q. Public to see that your "news" item is actually an *editorial* if it's disguised as a real news-item with a few adjectives thrown in to "flavor" it a bit and make it a little more sensational.

If I state that the local politician is a blathering idiot, it's pretty clear that I'm offering an opinion.

If I simply state that the politician forwarded a gambling proposal during a recent session that was not well-received and then go back and toss in "ill-timed" or "thoughtless", you have to pay a little more attention when reading the "news" to see that it's really just another editorial.

And so, I propose that we form a coalition of Citizens For News Without Adjectives.

To me, it goes right along with this "Full Disclosure" stuff that suddenly seems to be *all the rage*. Gee, who would've thought that, if I'm giving you "news" about the guy who owns our TV station, I should probably make it clear to you (the viewer) that there's a good chance that anything I say may well be a complete line of crap because it had to be approved by that very person before you were allowed to "consume" it.

Revolutionary concept? Unfortunately, I guess so.

[RANT OFF]



Not News

Along this same line of thought, I would like to present "Not News" -- items that commonly appear in the news in one form or another that really aren't something that can rightly be called "news".

Is it "news" that the sun came up this morning? No. Happens all the time.
Is it "news" that dairy cows give milk? No. We already know this.
Is it "news" that Steak n' Shake is famous for steakburgers? No.
Is it "news" that pissing off the guy at the McDonald's drive-thru *before* you get your food is probably a bad idea? No.

And so, I give you "Not News" -- a few more "news flashes" that the local paper can skip -- to help save a few trees. (Not to mention the TV station, or radio station.)


Not News
Any DayAny Time  
Congressperson (PartyA) Disagrees With President (PartyB)*
Why is it that every newspaper, radio station and television channel thinks it's note-worthy that the Congressperson-of-the-Day disagrees with the President -- especially given the fact that, who would've thought, they're from the opposing political party? What would be actually worth reporting would be any topic where the two sides actually agree. I mean, ignore the whole conflict between the two sides even based on their branch of government - if it's Republican vs. Democrat, it's not news.
 
Family Pets and Small Children Not Safe Near Alligators
How many stories do we have to read about the favorite Labrador or Poodle frolicking near the drainage ditch that met an untimely demise before we (read: Floridians) realize that we probably need to keep better track of pets and children anytime we're near a body of water that may contain unknown reptiles of a size capable of turning said prized-possession into a mid-day snack? Sadly, this is not news because we read it so much.
 
Israel Fighting With It's Neighbors - Again
The only news on this front occurred several thousand years ago and was reported to Abram at the same time his wife informed him that she would no longer be retaining the services of her handmaid, Hagar. Not news.
  
Some Country Complains About U.S. Policies But Takes Our Aid
It's called negotiating for a more lucrative offer. Not news.
 
Player X Suspected Using Performance-Enhancing Drugs
Let me get this straight. You think people who are trying to be better than *every* single other person in their profession may be using chemicals to get ahead? Not news.
Also, for those "officials" who may be confused -- marijuana is not a performance-enhancing drug -- experience-enhancing, maybe, but not performance.
 
NASCAR Driver Intentionally Nudges Opposing Driver's Car
Bumping is racing. Not news.

* Changed "(D)" and "(R)" to "(PartyA)" and "(PartyB)" cuz Jeremy whined that I was making some sort of political statement. Although I think he's being overly-sensitive, I don't want any discussion of this sort to overshadow the whole freakin' point of the page -- so I caved in and changed it. But I'm not bitter.
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